A Letter to the So-Called Baby Experts

I've been hearing a lot about attachment parenting lately. That's when a parent keeps his/her baby close through baby-wearing, co-sleeping, etc. Personally, I'm all for it. But for some reason it irks me that the "experts"are pushing it so hard. The same "experts" are also rabid about breastfeeding, but that doesn't bother me as much (though I'm sure it's infuriating to moms who either cannot or choose not to breastfeed), probably because there's so much scientific research showing it to be the best thing for baby (and mom, too, as long as she can do it comfortably and productively).

Attachment parenting is different. Sure, it's great for baby to be near mommy, and it's usually wonderful for mommy as well, because she can get more done when baby is calm (and a worn baby is usually a calm one). But there isn't the same medical component to it that there is for breastfeeding. Yes, research shows it's best...but the argument isn't as compelling as the one touting breastfeeding.

I think attachment parenting is a great idea. In fact, I wore both my babies a lot and even kept my second one in my bed until she was six months old. But I didn't do it because someone told me to. In fact, much of the literature at the time warned against keeping baby in your bed for that long. But despite the various books' warnings, my sweet baby had no trouble transitioning to her crib. She was (and still is) a great, happy sleeper.

Nowadays, I am always skeptical about what the "experts"have to say about child-rearing. It's a never-ending list of Do's and Don't's--enough to make your head spin. I wasn't always so savvy, however. Five-and-a-half years ago, when I was a hormone-crazed, first-time mom, I desperately and cluelessly turned to those "experts" for advice.

I bought the books: Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, What to Expect the First Year, and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, to name a few. I truly believed the authors knew best. Boy, was I wrong.

This book should be banned.

Some of the books are useful, some are amusing, and others are downright EVIL. In the latter category belongs this gem: The Contented Little Baby Book: The Simple Secrets of Calm, Confident Parenting by Gina Ford. Ms. Ford is supposedly a British "maternity nurse" (without formal qualifications) but to me she's a sadistic drill sergeant masquerading as Mary Poppins.

This book is a massive best-seller. Too bad it made me cry...and cry and cry. In it, Ms. Ford promises to get your baby on a schedule--sleeping from 7 p.m. through to 7 a.m.--at six weeks of age. She's critical of "feeding on demand," however, and requires baby to wait three hours between feedings.

In my sleep-deprived state, having a six week old who slept through the night sounded p-r-e-t-t-y damn good, so I tried it. And tried and tried and TRIED to get my firstborn on a "schedule." Guess what? It turns out breastfed newborns should be fed on demand and shouldn't be forced to wait three hours between feedings. Newborns aren't meant to be on a schedule! I hate this book.

Parents need to do what's right for them: what they can handle, what works, what's comfortable. Yes, it's important to know about the latest baby-rearing research, but when dedicated, nurturing, loving mothers are made to feel guilty about not breastfeeding, not making their own baby food, not using cloth diapers, or not wearing their babies on their backs 24/7, something is seriously wrong with society.