In the flick, Ginnifer and the fiancé are in love, but because he's engaged to Kate, they try to repress their feelings. Poor Ginnifer spends half the movie choking back tears as she watches Kate and her fiancé be all lovey-dovey. She walks down Manhattan streets crying in the rain, mourning the love she let slip away (she and nerd hunk liked each other first but both were too loser-ish to make the first move, so Kate swooped in and charmed the pants off him).
Arrgghh, I wanted to strangle her! Oh, poor me...fret, fret, fret...I will never have the man of my dreams, I will never be truly happy, boo-hoo, my life sucks. So much pointless angst!
The truth is, I wanted to strangle her because she reminded me of...me. That's what I was like during my 20's--constantly stressing my relationship status and where my life was going. Do I like him more than he likes me? Do I sabotage relationships? Will I ever get married and have kids? Am I pretty/cool/sexy/interesting/smart/successful enough?
I was so preoccupied worrying about my relationships and fretting that my life wasn't going the way I'd hoped that I couldn't see straight. Oh, sure, I put up a pretty good front. Most people probably couldn't tell I was total head case.
Arrgghh, I wanted to strangle her! Oh, poor me...fret, fret, fret...I will never have the man of my dreams, I will never be truly happy, boo-hoo, my life sucks. So much pointless angst!
The truth is, I wanted to strangle her because she reminded me of...me. That's what I was like during my 20's--constantly stressing my relationship status and where my life was going. Do I like him more than he likes me? Do I sabotage relationships? Will I ever get married and have kids? Am I pretty/cool/sexy/interesting/smart/successful enough?
I was so preoccupied worrying about my relationships and fretting that my life wasn't going the way I'd hoped that I couldn't see straight. Oh, sure, I put up a pretty good front. Most people probably couldn't tell I was total head case.
Looking back, I want to slap myself across the face. What was I doing? I should've been basking in my life; I had a "great on paper" job at Scholastic (which, in reality, was horrible and demeaning), a cool apartment in the West Village, fun friends, plenty of disposable income...my youth. The world was my oyster, as they say.
But yet there I was, stumbling through my 20's all confused, down, and depressed--though I had no legitimate reason to be sullen. Sometimes I wondered whether perhaps I actually got off on the darkness and sadness. You know I love it when the news is bad./Why it feels so good to feel so sad./I'm only happy when it rains./Pour your misery down./Pour your misery down on me.
Because when things were awful for real (like after 9/11), at least how I felt finally made sense.
This wasn't clinical depression (I know the symptoms), but I walked around with a strange hollowness inside, and my head was a buzzing hive of doubt. I felt burdened by life and by what was expected of me (okay, what I expected of myself). Living my life just didn't feel the way I thought it should/would/could.
Occasionally, the burden would lessen (new & better job, vacation, marriage), but it always came back with a thud once the novelty wore off.
Until, that is, I became pregnant with my first child. I was over-the-moon elated. And suddenly, it wasn't all about me anymore. By focussing on the life growing inside of me, I was finally able to get out of my head. The burden was lifted.
And it hasn't come back.
Oh, sure, I still have "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" moments, but that's just it--they are mere moments (or, at worst, a day). I no longer spend the majority of my time in that dark place.
These days, life is more "Here Comes the Sun."
And Ginnifer Goodwin's character? In the end she gets her man and lives happily every after.
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| Shirley Manson, my 90's idol |
Because when things were awful for real (like after 9/11), at least how I felt finally made sense.
This wasn't clinical depression (I know the symptoms), but I walked around with a strange hollowness inside, and my head was a buzzing hive of doubt. I felt burdened by life and by what was expected of me (okay, what I expected of myself). Living my life just didn't feel the way I thought it should/would/could.
Occasionally, the burden would lessen (new & better job, vacation, marriage), but it always came back with a thud once the novelty wore off.
Until, that is, I became pregnant with my first child. I was over-the-moon elated. And suddenly, it wasn't all about me anymore. By focussing on the life growing inside of me, I was finally able to get out of my head. The burden was lifted.
And it hasn't come back.
Oh, sure, I still have "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" moments, but that's just it--they are mere moments (or, at worst, a day). I no longer spend the majority of my time in that dark place.
These days, life is more "Here Comes the Sun."
And Ginnifer Goodwin's character? In the end she gets her man and lives happily every after.
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