Drive Me Crazy

Most of the time I'm a pretty good mother, I think (if I do say so myself). I'm a stay-at-home mom and completely and totally dedicated to motherhood. I'm 100% engaged with my kids (okay, 99%). Just by touching a hand I can tell if one of them has a fever. I know what kind of mood they're in with one glance at their faces, and if something is on their mind, they can't hide it. All this is wonderful and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Except when it all drives me MAAAAAAD. Like now. It's 4 p.m. on a chilly, gray Saturday afternoon and I'm home alone with my two kids. My husband had to go out for a couple of hours for work. I haven't left the house yet today, and I just managed to get dressed an hour ago. Shower? Ha.

THEY. ARE. DRIVING. ME. CRAZY.

I sent them to our gross, unfinished basement to play because I needed them out of my hair for a few minutes. For some reason, they love it down there (probably because it is, in fact, so gross). Five minutes later I heard the dreaded words: "Uh-oh, Mommy's going to be so mad."

Turns out our cat (who has Irritable Bowel Syndrome) pooped in the playhouse. So instead of relaxing and having a little "me" time, there I was scrubbing dried diarrhea out of the rug instead. Calgon!

There's rarely one event that ends up pushing me over the edge. My kids are great kids and rarely do anything that makes me want to get in the car and keep driving. Usually, it's just a slow buildup of tiny frustrating moments. Then one or two more little things happen (today it was my daughter not napping combined with my husband having to work) and suddenly I find myself falling off the cliff.

I've noticed I lose it more often on weekends. During the week, I manage to keep it together better--I think because I have no choice. With my husband at work until evening, I'm the one in charge. But I don't stress it at all during the week--I'm happy doing all the mom things I love.

But then the weekend comes around and for some crazy reason I expect it to be a little relaxing. I expect to get a break from being the one "on" all the time. Except it hardly ever works out that way. My husband is a great dad and spends as much time with the kids as he can. But it's not like I can easily and breezily take a day off from being mom and recharge. The kids whine and pout about me leaving, which makes me feel guilty--which then makes me not enjoy my time away as much. Instead of recharging, I worry and end up rushing to get home.

But tomorrow is a new day. I will go to the gym and sweat this stress out while my husband takes the kids to church. Hopefully the sun will be shining and we can all get outside to enjoy the fresh air and beautiful spring flowers.

If not, at least I have "Mad Men" to look forward to tomorrow night. And the new season of "Game of Thrones." Yes, things are looking up.

Father Knows Best (About Some Things)

I'll bet Don Draper never got peed on while
changing a diaper.

Men have come a long way in the past 30 years. Back when I was growing up, most of the dads I knew had the following responsibilities: bring home the paycheck, take out the trash, mow the lawn, play catch with his sons, dole out the serious punishments ("Just wait 'til your father gets home!"), give pep talks, BBQ up dinner two times a summer, and maybe coach soccer or little league.

My very own father likes to brag that he's never changed a diaper in his life.

Nowadays, things are P-R-E-T-T-Y different. Roles and responsibilities are more evenly doled out; however, even when the dad is the sole breadwinner, he's still expected to change diapers, babysit while mom goes to the grocery store, handle the midnight feeding, and pitch in with housework--plus most of the things listed above. It's a big change over the Mad Men era, when Dad walked in the door after a hard day's work (those three-martini lunches must've been grueling) and was greeted with a steak dinner, a scotch & soda, and a smile.

However, despite the strides fathers have made, there is still room for improvement. Here are some things dads still can't do:

1. Give their daughter a neat ponytail.
2. Cut the kids' raviolis just the way they like it.
3. Put the baby's diaper on tight enough.
4. Figure out which toothpaste is for which child.
5. Bathe the kids without flooding the bathroom.
6. Put the kitchen utensils in the correct drawers.
7. Do more than two things at once.

These minor short-comings aside, fathers are the family unit's unsung heroes. Everyone talks about how hard motherhood is, and moms usually clean up on Mother's Day--jewelry, spa visits, etc. But you never hear people commenting on how difficult it is being a dad. And what does Pops get for Father's Day? A card, if he's lucky.

We moms really should thank our partners more often for all the great things they do. Are they perfect? No way. But we couldn't live without them. Nor would we want to--because life is more fun with Dad around. Dads make awesome paper airplanes, will play dinosaurs for hours, and most importantly, help us moms to not sweat the small stuff.

So a big thank you to all the fathers out there. We appreciate all you do and we love you.

I Want My MTV

All last week, I was looking forward to the MTV Video Music Awards (which aired last night, 9/12). Yeah, I know...it's for 12-year-olds, so shoot me. But at 10:30 p.m., as I started getting ready for bed, I suddenly remembered: The goddamn, motherf*@#ing awards are on!! I had totally spaced. I rushed downstairs, thinking I'd catch the last half-hour, but because we were already taping both "Mad Men" and "Entourage," I couldn't watch without un-recording one of those shows. I sacrificed the first five minutes of "Entourage" to watch Chelsea Handler get in a hot tub with "The Jersey Shore" idiots (and emerge fake-pregnant--ha-ha, good one), but then turned the TV off, and went to bed. Forget it, I was too late.

What's the big deal, you ask? It's just a stupid awards show on a stupid channel with stupid shows and no videos, you say? Okay, you have a point...but I happen to love videos. Always have, always will.

"I want my MTV!" was music television's slogan in its early days, but it was also my most desperate wish. My grandmother, who lived in the next town over from us, got cable in the early 80's and therefore had MTV. Our more-upscale town, however, thought cable would rot our brains so they held out for years. No MTV for us.

As a result, when holidays came around and my family went to Grandma's house to celebrate, my brother and I (13 and 12 years old respectively) would park ourselves in front of the TV/MTV for six hours straight. I'm surprised my parents allowed this, but I guess they figured the silence was better than non-stop whining: "PLEEEEEEASE, can we watch MTV? PLEEEEEEASE?"

By age 12, I finally had outgrown the little-girl music I was previously obsessed with (Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett), and the videos on MTV--the first I'd ever seen--hit me like a ton of bricks. I was mesmerized by them: trying to figure out how exactly something could "Hurt So Good," examining Billy Idol's sexy lip curl as he rasped "Hot in the City," and watching a delicious Michael Hutchence circle that banquet table in "The One Thing." I'm sure there were some chick videos on, too, but I don't remember those.

Thus began my addiction to videos. It was hard to get my fix without cable or MTV, but luckily, the Boston area had a crummy local VHF channel, V66, that aired videos during certain time slots. They played some of the same videos as MTV but also gave local bands air time. I saw 'Til Tuesday's "Voices Carry" on V66 way before the song was a massive hit. Other Boston bands didn't hit it as big, but it doesn't mean they weren't good. Check out the video for Face to Face's "10-9-8," which I only ever saw on V66. (How hot are her red boots, by the way?)

I still watch videos whenever I can. At the gym, I often forgo my IPod to watch NYSC's video channel. If I have to suffer through Christinia DeBarge (could she really be the evil spawn of the DeBarge of the 80's?) to see the new Ting Tings vid, it's worth it. I even occasionally watch videos On Demand. (I mean, really, who does that?)