Suburban Mom Blues

Life's so damn confusing.
Used to be amusing.
No more carefree musings
Or parties, late-night boozing.

Before responsibilities,
Was proud of my abilities.
No worrying 'bout utilities
Just workplace capabilities.

But these days I feel so lazy.
Wasting whole days doesn't phase me.
My identity is hazy.
Maybe I'll do something crazy.

What if I dye my hair blue
Or another shocking hue?
Why not get a new tattoo?
But what good would that do?

Should be cleaning but I'm not,
Cuz I'm on Facebook quite a lot.
And our dinner's rarely hot.
Need a Jetson's maid-robot.

I entertain but it's for shit.
I'm just no damn good at it.
I've misplaced my charm and wit.
Should hang it up for a bit.

Getting old's a losing race.
I've become a big disgrace.
What's happened to my face?
Lines deepen; they won't erase.

Forever moisturizing.
My reflection--analyzing.
Toning and exercising,
Yet my body's still capsizing.

Grasp Mommy's little helper--a lie.
A temporarily brighter sky,
But when at last the bottle runs dry,
Time to face reality, and try.

Try to be less demanding,
Not quite so reprimanding,
A little less commanding,
And way more understanding.

The self-doubt, I'm confessing,
Is ever present--oppressing.
It weighs heavy, so distressing,
And I'm struggling, stressing...

Whether things will stay the same,
If my confusion will remain.
But there's no one else to blame.
This trouble bears my name.

What to Wear?

I'm in a rut. For a while now, I've been having trouble figuring out what to wear. I'm not a kid anymore so I can't exactly go around dressed like Avril Lavigne. (Wish I could, though!) It would be easier if I was a prep by nature--then I could just live in Ann Taylor and be happy--but that's not my style.

Part of my problem is that I'm not a big clothes shopper anymore so I don't even know what's out there that's both cool yet appropriate for a mom my age. It used to be way more fun to shop when I lived in the city and had a social life--there were places to go where I could wear the fabulous things I bought. Then came the baby/spit-up years when all I wore was old stuff I didn't care about. But now that my kids keep their food down and I'm back to my fighting weight, it's time to get some style back into my life.

The summer is easy because all you have to do is toss on a cute, comfortable skirt and funky sandals to look good. But when it gets colder, I mostly turn to jeans and boring, long-sleeved shirts. Pair that with comfortable (dull) black shoes and you see where I'm coming from. All I really want to do when it's cold is hibernate, so it's hard to get excited about fashion. But I want to spice things up a bit this year. Last winter, I tried black leggings and long sweaters but when you're dragging two little kids around with you everywhere, it can easily look like maybe you're pregnant with #3. No thanks.

Many of the brands marketed to the slightly more mature woman look to me like old lady clothes. Eileen Fisher, anyone? The Gap and Banana Republic are okay but often so boring. Shopping at places like that is what got me into this rut in the first place.

Part of my problem is that the clothes I really want to wear aren't exactly appropriate for an almost-middle-aged mom like me. I'll show you what I mean. Here is my favorite T-shirt (which I haven't worn since 2004 due to mom-hood):

Clearly inappropriate for small children's eyes. And even if the tykes can't read, their moms can and wouldn't appreciate it, I'm sure. Hey, I don't want to make any enemies, I just want to be unique.

                                                   So, while I want to dress like this:                              

  

                                                  I feel pressure to dress more like this:

What's a suburban mom to do?