Awful Song Lyrics: Duran Duran Edition

The same way awesome lyrics can turn a good song into a great one, awful lyrics can ruin a perfectly decent tune. If I truly adore a song's melody then horrible lyrics won't make me hate it, but I do get mad that the artist has gone ahead and ruined a great song by giving it stupid words.

This poster was on my bedroom wall in 1983.

The exception is Duran Duran. DD songs have some of the most asinine lyrics out there, yet I've never gotten angry about it. The ridiculous words fit somehow when it comes to the pop band whose pictures once covered my bedroom wall.

While in the car earlier today, I flipped the radio station to 95.5 PLJ (which I rarely listen to, but ever since 101.9 RXP went soft-rock, my choices are limited). "New Moon on Monday" by DD was on, and before I knew what was happening, I heard myself bellowing: "I light my torch and wave it for the new moon on Monday/and the fire dance through the night./I stayed the cold day with a lonely satellite."

What the hell? I thought. I mean, really, how meaningless and dumb and awful are those lyrics? And why has my brain continued to devote a whole bunch of cells to remembering them 28 years later?

Here is the video for "New Moon on Monday," from their 1983 album, Seven and the Ragged Tiger (the title of which doesn't make any sense either):

And here are some of the dumbest lyrics ever written for a hit song:

New Moon on Monday

Shake up the picture, the lizard mixture

With your dance on the eventide.

You got me coming up with answers

All of which I deny.

I said it again, but could I please rephrase it?

Maybe I can catch a ride.

I couldn't really put it much plainer

But I'll wait till you decide.

Send me your warning siren

As if I could ever hide.

Last time La Luna

CHORUS:

I light my torch and wave it for the

New moon on Monday

And a fire dance through the night.

I stayed the cold day with a lonely satellite.

Breaking away with the beast of both worlds

A smile that you can't disguise.

Every minute I keep finding

Clues that you leave behind.

Save me from these reminders

As if I'd forget tonight.

This time La Luna

CHORUS

FYI, "Union of the Snake," the first hit song off Seven and the Ragged Tiger also has idiotic lyrics. Pretty much all of Duran Duran's songs are dumb. But they are still awesome.