Most of the time I'm a pretty good mother, I think (if I do say so myself). I'm a stay-at-home mom and completely and totally dedicated to motherhood. I'm 100% engaged with my kids (okay, 99%). Just by touching a hand I can tell if one of them has a fever. I know what kind of mood they're in with one glance at their faces, and if something is on their mind, they can't hide it. All this is wonderful and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Except when it all drives me MAAAAAAD. Like now. It's 4 p.m. on a chilly, gray Saturday afternoon and I'm home alone with my two kids. My husband had to go out for a couple of hours for work. I haven't left the house yet today, and I just managed to get dressed an hour ago. Shower? Ha.
THEY. ARE. DRIVING. ME. CRAZY.
Turns out our cat (who has Irritable Bowel Syndrome) pooped in the playhouse. So instead of relaxing and having a little "me" time, there I was scrubbing dried diarrhea out of the rug instead. Calgon!
There's rarely one event that ends up pushing me over the edge. My kids are great kids and rarely do anything that makes me want to get in the car and keep driving. Usually, it's just a slow buildup of tiny frustrating moments. Then one or two more little things happen (today it was my daughter not napping combined with my husband having to work) and suddenly I find myself falling off the cliff.
I've noticed I lose it more often on weekends. During the week, I manage to keep it together better--I think because I have no choice. With my husband at work until evening, I'm the one in charge. But I don't stress it at all during the week--I'm happy doing all the mom things I love.
But then the weekend comes around and for some crazy reason I expect it to be a little relaxing. I expect to get a break from being the one "on" all the time. Except it hardly ever works out that way. My husband is a great dad and spends as much time with the kids as he can. But it's not like I can easily and breezily take a day off from being mom and recharge. The kids whine and pout about me leaving, which makes me feel guilty--which then makes me not enjoy my time away as much. Instead of recharging, I worry and end up rushing to get home.
But tomorrow is a new day. I will go to the gym and sweat this stress out while my husband takes the kids to church. Hopefully the sun will be shining and we can all get outside to enjoy the fresh air and beautiful spring flowers.
If not, at least I have "Mad Men" to look forward to tomorrow night. And the new season of "Game of Thrones." Yes, things are looking up.