Bus Stop Mamas

I was preoccupied all day--my mind wandering while driving, barely hearing my daughter prattle on, etc.--and it was because of something so totally insignificant and stupid. There are days when I'm amazed at how pathetic I am, and today was one of them.

First, a little background: I am way too insecure for someone my age. Seriously, aren't we supposed to "come into ourselves" in our 30's, and then by our 40's be effortlessly self-confident and radiating inner beauty? That's what Eileen Fisher would have us believe, but for me, unfortunately, it hasn't quite happened that way. Oh, sure, I'm less insecure about my appearance nowadays, but that's mainly because I'm old enough to realize that's a battle I'm not going to win.

Nor am I still insecure about what the hell I'm doing with my life, because I ended up getting married, having kids, and quitting my job to raise them--and I'm good with that. Sure, there are days I wonder what it would be like to go to an office everyday and contribute creatively and intellectually to society while a full-time nanny takes care of my kids, but it's not something I actually want. I don't regret the path I've chosen.

I am, however, insecure about my friends--or rather, lack thereof. And it's confusing to me because for most of my life, having and making friends came naturally and easily. Growing up, I didn't even think about it--friends just popped up wherever I went. I used to consider myself something of an Alpha Female--I was usually a leader amongst my various groups of friends.

But as I got older, things changed. Throughout my 20's and 30's, my number of female friends dwindled--people married, moved away, got jobs that left little time for socializing, etc. And because I was no longer making new friends left and right, pretty soon I was down to a precious few. Then I had my own kids and moved to the suburbs where I knew almost no one.

I've been trying to make new friends since we moved here five years ago, but because I've never had to actively pursue friendships before, I am pathetic at it. I've become good friends with about four mothers (in five years--sad), but then two of them moved away. The other two don't even live in our town.

Which is why my current best friend is my 3-year-old daughter.

So, yes, I'm a little fragile when it comes to friends.

For the past two weeks, I've been waiting at the bus stop with a few neighborhood moms. Two of them seem like they could be potential friends but I'm just so clueless when it comes to taking it to the next level. After the bus has come and gone, instead of staying to chat I just say goodbye and head home.

Well, shortly after the bus had picked up my son this morning, I was back at home reading my daughter a book. I looked out the window and saw the two moms I like pushing strollers down the street (they both have young kids) and taking a walk together. They were chatting like old friends, though I know they pretty much met at the bus stop, too.

I instantly felt like the biggest loser. Why not me? Don't they like me? Is it because they both have two boys and both their second sons are still young enough to be taken for a walk in a stroller? If my daughter were still stroller age would I have been included as well? 

I spent all morning wallowing in self-pity and feeling like the greasy-haired, zit-faced girl at the junior prom that no one will ask to dance.

What to Wear?

I'm in a rut. For a while now, I've been having trouble figuring out what to wear. I'm not a kid anymore so I can't exactly go around dressed like Avril Lavigne. (Wish I could, though!) It would be easier if I was a prep by nature--then I could just live in Ann Taylor and be happy--but that's not my style.

Part of my problem is that I'm not a big clothes shopper anymore so I don't even know what's out there that's both cool yet appropriate for a mom my age. It used to be way more fun to shop when I lived in the city and had a social life--there were places to go where I could wear the fabulous things I bought. Then came the baby/spit-up years when all I wore was old stuff I didn't care about. But now that my kids keep their food down and I'm back to my fighting weight, it's time to get some style back into my life.

The summer is easy because all you have to do is toss on a cute, comfortable skirt and funky sandals to look good. But when it gets colder, I mostly turn to jeans and boring, long-sleeved shirts. Pair that with comfortable (dull) black shoes and you see where I'm coming from. All I really want to do when it's cold is hibernate, so it's hard to get excited about fashion. But I want to spice things up a bit this year. Last winter, I tried black leggings and long sweaters but when you're dragging two little kids around with you everywhere, it can easily look like maybe you're pregnant with #3. No thanks.

Many of the brands marketed to the slightly more mature woman look to me like old lady clothes. Eileen Fisher, anyone? The Gap and Banana Republic are okay but often so boring. Shopping at places like that is what got me into this rut in the first place.

Part of my problem is that the clothes I really want to wear aren't exactly appropriate for an almost-middle-aged mom like me. I'll show you what I mean. Here is my favorite T-shirt (which I haven't worn since 2004 due to mom-hood):

Clearly inappropriate for small children's eyes. And even if the tykes can't read, their moms can and wouldn't appreciate it, I'm sure. Hey, I don't want to make any enemies, I just want to be unique.

                                                   So, while I want to dress like this:                              

  

                                                  I feel pressure to dress more like this:

What's a suburban mom to do?