Just Call Me Kindergarten Cop

There is a girl in my son's Kindergarten class with whom he's become fast friends.

My husband and son ran into This Girl (I'll refer to her as "T.G." from now on) a few weeks ago, and she went on and on about how she wanted my son to come over her house for a playdate.

I had met T.G.'s mother only once before--at back-to-school-night--and, let's put it this way, she's not exactly the long-lost best friend I've been hoping to find. My first impression was that she was a little brash. I'm sure she's a perfectly decent person, but her scratchy smoker's voice and aloof manner turned me off.

However, my lovely boy wanted a playdate with his new friend, so I wasn't about to say no just because the mom was not my cup o' tea. Of course I had to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I knew T.G.'s last name so I tracked them down through whitepages.com (and felt pretty stalker-ish doing so), called, and her mom and I set something up for three days hence.

Kindergarten Halloween party

The day of the playdate, just as we were about to leave for their house, I noticed our machine was blinking; it was a message from elementary school. T.G.'s mom didn't have our number so she had the school call to cancel the playdate. No explanation, no apology, no nothin'.

Oh, how my sweet boy cried and cried! All I could do was hug him and tell him I was so, so sorry over and over again as his little body shook with giant sobs. The anger flooded my body--how I hated T.G.'s mother at that moment!

If I could've given my son a decent explanation--"Honey, T.G.'s little sister swallowed poison and was rushed to the emergency room"--I think it would've been easier for both of us to accept. But instead, we were left in the lurch.

The next time I saw her, at a class event, I avoided her because I didn't trust myself to make nice-nice after what had happened. And a Kindergarten classroom isn't exactly the ideal place for a confrontation.

It's been a month now, and she hasn't called to apologize or reschedule the playdate.

So everyday I grit my teeth while listening to my son go on and on about all the fun he and T.G. had during recess, or about how funny she is, or blahblahblah. Oh, sure, he may have forgotten all about his first heartbreak, but his mother sure hasn't. Grrrrrrr! I can't help it, but hearing that girl's dumb name instantly turns me into one of Sarah Palin's Mama Grizzlies.

So, guess what, T.G. and T.G.'s mom? Mama Grizzly is watching. Do NOT hurt my cub again if you know what's good for you. I will attack...and that's a promise.

What I Learned From Reading "Bossypants"

To all my funny and fiercely intelligent (yet awkward) friends from back in our Middle School days, here's something you should know: Tiny Fey is one of us!

She's an ex-geek, but she had just enough going on that she didn't end up a total loser. She took the pain and ostracism she experienced in her tween and teen years, mined it for material, and turned in into comedic gold.

The first thing I learned from reading Tina Fey's book Bossypants is how to prevent your dorky kid from getting so bullied that you have to switch school districts. Here's what Tina suggests. Your nerd spawn must:

1. Have a sense of humor;
2. Have a friend--just one is necessary, but it's preferable that he's gay;
3. Find one thing that he or she is good at.

I also learned how to raise a daughter who is "an achievement-oriented, drug-free, adult virgin" (something that all parents of girls want). Your daughter must experience and/or have:

1. Bad skin;
2. A childhood calamity (Tina Fey's face was slashed by a stranger);
3. A ridiculous amount of parental praise;
4. Involvement in local theater;
3. A strong father-figure/fear thereof.

Ms. Fey didn't lose her virginity until she was well into her twenties. Now, I certainly wouldn't wish a childhood calamity on my little princess, but nor do I want her starring in the 20th season of 16 and Pregnant. So I'm pretty much willing to try any old cockamamie idea if it might possibly spare my babygirl heartbreak and STDs.

I also learned that Tina Fey is a true child of the 1980's, as evidenced by this photo:

Tina Fey, 1988

As Tina explains, buying this white denim suit is the moment she associates with entering womanhood:

I bought it with my own money under the advisement of my cool friend Sandee. I wore it to Senior Awards Night 1988, where it blew people's minds as I accepted the Sunday School Scholorship. That turned-up collar. The jacket that zipped all the way down the front into a nice fitted shape. 

That's hard-core 80's right there.

I would recommend Bossypants to serious Tina Fey fans only. It's an amusing look at this talented lady's childhood, with anecdotes that anyone raised in the late 70's-early 80's will relate to. She also provides some interesting insider information: After 9/11, when Anthrax was found at 30 Rock (where SNL is based) Ms. Fey, who was then head writer and "Weekend Update" co-anchor, walked out and didn't return until Lorne Michaels sweet-talked her back.

But the book contains no real groundbreaking info, unless you consider the fact that Sarah Palin, when she appeared on SNL, offered her daughter Bristol to babysit Tina's toddler groundbreaking.

Don't pay full-price for the hardcover, but if you can get it from your local library, I promise you won't regret it: it's a great beach-read or a the perfect airplane companion. If you are a Tina Fey fan, don't miss it.

Hillary Clinton for President! (A Girl Can Dream, Can't She?)

I saw a picture of Hillary Clinton in a magazine the other day, and was surprised by the pang of longing I felt. I love Barack Obama (and think he's doing a pretty good job so far) but I was a big Hillary supporter leading up to the 2008 Democratic Primary. I still think she would've made a heckuva president.

I remember being a girl and looking through a big coffee-table book about the presidents that my parents had. I was amused by the weird facial hair (nice muttonchops, Martin Van Buren!) and strange names (Millard? Grover? Woodrow?) and enjoyed learning about American history. The tragic stories (Lincoln, McKinley, Kennedy) brought me back to the book again and again. But every single time I looked through that book, it bummed me out and made me angry that there weren't any women's faces looking back at me. A woman president! Wouldn't that be amazing?

A few years later it was 1984, and suddenly, having a woman as president in the near future seemed much more likely when Walter Mondale chose Geraldine Ferraro to be his running mate against Ronald Reagan and George Bush, Sr. It was the first time a woman was nominated for that position by a major party.

We all know how that turned out: No female vice president in 1984, and no woman was again nominated for that position by a major party for 24 long years.

Back in 1984, even though the Reagan/Bush ticket prevailed, I was optimistic about the chance of there being a woman V.P. or president in the near future. But election after election left me dejected. So many stuffy white dudes! (Except for Clinton, who's white and a dude but refreshingly unstuffy.) What the heck was going on? Where were the major-party chicas?

(Sure, plenty of ladies have attempted to win the Democratic or Republican presidential nomination over the years--starting with a couple Democratic gals way back in 1920--but none succeeded until Ms. Ferraro in 1984.)

Fast-forward 24 years, and Hillary Clinton had successfully sloughed off her poor-betrayed-wife image to get herself elected to the U.S. Senate. Her new image was as a smart, tough negotiator and problem-solver. I was happy to have her as one of my U.S. senators, but when she threw her hat into the Democratic presidential nominee ring, I was psyched!

Clinton quickly gathered momentum and she seemed destined to win the nomination. I thought: This is going to be our year, ladies! Because with Bush as unpopular as he was, the Democratic nominee was pretty much a shoo-in as president. Hillary's going to win! We're finally going to have our first woman president! It's about time, people!

Then came Obama, seemingly from out of nowhere. The man was on fire...and my dreams and hopes for a woman president were dashed.

I'm so, so proud of our country for electing our first black president, really I am! But I truly thought a woman would come first. I dunno...you hear about how people in the South are still racist, so I didn't think a black candidate could get enough of the non-urban vote to win. But what the 2008 election taught me is that, apparently, more Americans are sexist than racist. And that surprised me. I'm not sure why, but it did.

So now what? Is Sarah Palin all our gender has to offer? Say it ain't so! Hillary, darling, sweetheart...how about making another go at it in 2012? As much as I love Obama, the majority of my fellow Americans don't seem to agree with me. The last thing we want is a <shudder> Republican back in office two short years from now (or Sarah Palin anywhere near Washington D.C.).

Sure, "Secretary of State Hillary Clinton" sounds pretty good, but nothing beats "President Hillary Rodham Clinton," right?

Do it for all us former little girls who dreamed that there would, one day, be a female President of the United States of America, but have grown into women voters (some with wide-eyed girls or our own) without yet seeing this dream realized.

We've waited long enough, don't you think?