Sports Authority

This past Saturday marked the beginning of spring soccer here in our little Westchester town. Unfortunately, though our six-year-old son was signed up, he spent the morning reassembling his Hogwarts Lego instead.

My son played soccer last fall, and every Saturday morning my husband would beg, cajole, and bribe to get him to the field. It would go something like this:

"If you try really hard during practice before the game, then you only have to play half the game." ... "Okay, fine, you can skip the game but only if you try your best during practice, and no moaning."... "C'mon, just try, it'll be fun. We can get a doughnut afterwards."

My poor husband got worn down and gave up the fight. So this spring my kid is playing zero organized sports...with zero organized sports in his future.

Whenever we bring up the idea of my son trying something else--karate or T-ball, say--all we get back from him is, "NO, NO, I hate sports!"

Which isn't exactly true. He loves kicking the ball around with his dad and playing baseball in the backyard. But if he gets any whiff of real competition, forget it.

My husband is bummed. When we learned our firstborn would be a boy, visions of bringing his son to Mets games and bonding over shared love for the team floated through is head. Instead, the boy couldn't care less. Last summer the whole family went to a Mets game. My son enjoyed himself because he loves giant pretzels, cotton candy, and fun-to-climb stadium steps. End of story. Oh, there was a game going on? News to him.

The same goes with football. His favorite thing about it? The "football snacks" (i.e. normally-forbidden junk like Bugles, Doritos & Ruffles) we serve while watching playoff games. I'm sure if someone were to mention the word "Superbowl" to my son today, his mouth would water in anticipation of greasy, salty snacks.

When our son was four and showed little interest in organized sports, I told my husband to be patient. I was pretty sure school would peer-pressure him into caring. Well, Kindergarten is wrapping up in a couple months and there's been no change.

"Do kids in your class talk about the Giants?" my husband asked our son during playoff season.

"Yeah."

"Do they like the Giants? Do they watch games on TV and know about the players and stuff?"

"Uh-huh."

Hmmm, guess that's why the kid's best friends in school are girls.

Our son is athletic enough--you should see him bat, he sends the ball flying. His problem is mental: He's nervous he won't be good and therefore doesn't want to even try. We are reluctant to force him to play sports even though other parents have suggested that's the only way to get your child over his or her fear.

It's gotten so bad that my son doesn't even enjoy himself at sports-themed birthday parties. He's fine if the kids are allowed to roam the gym freely and experiment with the equipment as they choose. But once he hears, "Okay, let's all line up, this is what we're going to do" he's OUT.

I recently had to RSVP "no" to a party for one of his classmates because the party venue was the scary-sounding Sportime. My husband has had enough of my son complaining and not participating at sports parties so he just won't go anymore. The way I see it is no cake and gift bag for you if you don't play along. What kid doesn't want to go to a birthday party? That cannot be normal. It's very frustrating.

I don't know...he's only six. There's still time. Maybe it'll happen on its own.

Or maybe it won't. Which is okay, too.

You Win Some, You "Win" Some

My five-year-old son, Gavin, is starting soccer next weekend. It's his first foray into organized sports, and I'm not all that confident it's going to go smoothly.

Gavin is, shall we say, competition-adverse. You know those little boys who are always challenging their friends with, "I'll race you!" and "Let's see who gets there first!" Yeah, well, I don't have one of those. But my nephew is one of those boys, and when he and Gavin are together and Gavin responds to his invitations to race with "No thanks," the confusion in my nephew's eyes makes me sad. Why can't my son just say, "Sure!" and make his 3-1/2-year-old cousin's day?

Gavin is sweet, funny, smart, and creative. He's also athletic and coordinated: The problem with sports is all in his head. He enjoys kicking a ball around or hitting pitches but any whiff of competition shuts him down.

I know this isn't particularly unusual and that lots of kids behave this way, but that doesn't necessarily make it acceptable. Is it just me or are more parents letting their kids off the hook nowadays when it comes to competing? When I was little, you played games and learned to lose without being a total baby, and learned to win without being a total jerk. Because being a baby or a jerk meant you weren't gonna be too popular with your peers.

But these days, kids don't get to learn what competition is all about. Parents are always trying to protect their kids from getting their feelings hurt; nowadays everyone wins and everyone gets a medal. But competition is part of life, and I don't think age five is too young to learn about losing--especially when the outcome just doesn't matter much.

So next weekend, no matter what, I'll be out there encouraging my son to play, to try his best, and to have fun. And I swear, I'm not going to let a few tears change my mind: he's playing for sure.