Things I'm Sad My Kids Won't Experience

The world has changed so much over the past few decades. Many of the changes are incredible and awesome, but not all. Occasionally, I'll catch myself thinking fondly about something I did or experienced when I was younger, and it will occur to me that, because the world is so different now, my kids probably won't have the pleasure of that experience.

Here are some things I'm bummed they'll (probably) miss out on:

I remember being 12 and going to the
record store to buy my brother an Ozzy
record for his birthday. This album
cover was an education.

Poring Through Records at a Divey, Yet Excellent, Record Store
Remember when the only way to learn what the singers of the songs you loved looked like was through the record store? Remember wasting countless hours trying to decide which album to spend your allowance money on? And the record store was educational, too: How else was I going to learn about Satanism if not via Ozzy Osbourne's album covers?

Receiving a Love Letter in the Mail
I don't mean to brag but I've received a few love letters in my day. Sure, I've gotten love emails too, but there is no comparison: Hand-written sweet nothings beat those printed out on 8.5 x 11 computer paper any day.

MTV Circa 1982
The town I grew up in didn't get cable until practically the 90's (boo!). But the next town over got it in the early 80's, and luckily my grandparents lived in that town (yay!). Whenever we'd go over their house for dinner, my brother and I would turn on MTV, sit on the floor a foot from the screen, and become zombified for hours. It was the most awesome thing ever invented and I was completely obsessed. I think we somehow even convinced the adults to let us leave the TV on DURING DINNER. I remember jumping up from the table mid-turkey-eating and running into the family room upon hearing the beginning strains of INXS's "The One Thing." Michael Hutchence was so hot in that video my tween self could hardly handle it. MTV blew my mind on a regular basis back then.

No idea where this photo is from, but this is pretty
much how I remember it. 

A Huge Blizzard (Like the One in 1978) That Closes School for Weeks
Okay, so it's possible. But if this winter is any indication of how this Climate Change thing is going, massive blizzards are a thing of the past. I will never forget, in 1978, opening up our front door to find an impenetrable wall of snow. Poor grown-ups: Their cars were buried, the shoveling was murder, and their annoying kids were home from school for two weeks. But for us kids it was unbelievable: School was cancelled for two weeks (!!), and all we did was build epic forts and sledding tracks that led downhill from the front yards of our houses to the back. Incredible speeds were attained, no helmets were worn, much hot chocolate was drunk. Legendary.

Visiting a Europe Where the Residents Actually Seem Foreign
My mother is British so we spent a lot of family vacations in England, and back in the 70's and 80's (and even the early 90's) there was very little American influence over there. One or two McDonalds in London, maybe. The city was still very Dickensian then--stark, historic, beautiful, and so, so different from America. My last visit to London was in 2005, and I spent the whole trip marveling at how American the city looked and felt. The ratio of quaint, dingy pubs to garish, cheesy chain stores had officially tipped in the wrong direction. I'm sure it's even worse now. The same goes for Paris, Rome, Madrid, etc. Too bad. Where does a person have to go to escape America's clutches?

But on the other hand, technological advances have certainly made life better in many ways. Here's a list of a few things I'm glad my kids (hopefully) will never have to suffer through:

Catching the Chicken Pox
Using a Fax Machine
Dial-Up Internet
Acid-Wash Jeans
MS-DOS
And the worst of the worst: 
Having to Type Up Their College Applications One-By-Excruciating-One

Acid Flashback

Fashion is a strange thing, and over the years some bizarre--and terrible--styles have been popular, from harem pants to leg warmers. Sometimes the reason why a horrible style catches on is obvious--with leg warmers in the early 1980s, surely the movie Fame was to blame?--and you can only hope its popularity fades quickly. But other times an offensive fashion trend seems to arrive for no reason and then sticks around for way too long, and when it's finally out you're all, Whew, glad that's over, that was some FUGLY stuff! You know, like bubble skirts. But the worst fashion occurrence is when a horrible, unflattering trend that you had to suffer through once already, comes BACK IN STYLE, making you momentarily wish you lived in Afghanistan where all you'd ever see are burkas.

What I'm talking about, people, is ACID-WASH JEANS. These were slutty the first time around, and not good-slutty like platform heels, but bad-slutty like I'm-sixteen-and-a-Warrant-groupie.

Yours for just $39 at Macys.com!

I first noticed the acid-wash comeback last spring--a little bit in stores but mostly in paparazzi photos of various young startlets wearing horrendous splotchy, ripped, tight jeans. Lindsey Lohan, Kim Kardashian, Fergie--classy gals like that. I ignored it, sure the utter heinousness of it all would render it just a blip on the fashion meter. But now the Fall ad campaigns are out, and acid-wash is everywhere. The ads I've seen seem to be positioning them as edgy and grungy. One Old Navy ad has models wearing skinny acid-wash jeans with long, belted plaid shirts. It's mid-80s Valley Girl meets early 90s Seattle Grunge Chick. My brain wanted to explode after seeing that one.

Most fashion trends come back in style at some point--there was even a scary fluorescent resurgence a couple of years ago--and all you can hope for is that the awful ones are short-lived. So far, I haven't seen any of the teens in my town wearing acid-wash. Maybe they're smarter than that. If not, I have some photos of myself circa 1987 that should scare them straight.