Weiner the Wiener

I live in the state of New York, less than 35 miles from the Brooklyn/Queens district that Congressman Anthony Weiner represents.

You think you've been hearing a lot about Weiner's wiener? Ha, you have no idea.

This latest episode in philandering got me thinking about politicians and cheating. It sure seems like more of them do than don't, and I've been wondering why this is the case. Certainly men with normal jobs don't cheat this much, do they? Athletes and movie stars are known to be horndogs, so does that mean politicians see themselves more as rockstars than as the public servants they actually are? If that's true, well, it's just sad.

Not that I really care if some local congressman--or even presidential candidate--is unable to keep it in his pants. I'm not convinced it means he will be any less good at his job than the dude who doesn't father children out of wedlock (or tweet penis pics to porn stars, solicit young men in public bathrooms, grope interns, etc., etc., etc.). My husband, however, makes a good point that this sort of behavior suggests a lack of moral character that could, in fact, affect a politician's ability to make the best decisions for his constituents. Could be.

But I'm still not sure we should care about our politicians' philandering (provided it's not illegal). I look at these "episodes" as mainly their wives' problems, not the voting public's.

The only thing that does bother me is the fact that many of these men--especially those high up the chain of command--are role models for our kids. It makes me sad to think that, back in 1998, there was surely an ambitious Arkansas boy or two who idolized President Clinton and dreamed of following in his footsteps, only to have his hopes dashed by Lewinsky-gate. I happen to LOVE Bill Clinton and believe his good qualities outweigh the bad, yet I was let down by his behavior...which is nothing compared to how alienated and betrayed countless impressionable youths must've felt. It strikes me as a missed opportunity to inspire the future generation, which is a huge bummer.

With all of these men, it's not just one isolated incident, either. A single slip-up we could more easily forgive and forget; everyone makes mistakes, after all. But with these guys, it's chronic infidelity. What's behind it? Is it a sickness? Are they drunk on power and influence? Maybe that's the case with a President, but a Representative like Anthony Weiner? Puh-lease.

I used to think the problem was the American voters' habit of electing mainly men of privilege to office. Some of the worst offenders have been guys who were just plain used to getting what they wanted when they wanted it. Whether they were born into it, like JFK, or learned to expect it due to later stardom (Arnold), many of our elected officials have hugely inflated egos that need stroking.

I also used to think the answer was to elect a geek. Get someone in office who spent his formative years questioning the ways of the world; developing his mind through endless games of Stratego and Dungeons and Dragons; and grappling with existential issues alone on a Saturday night, and we'd be all set. Former losers don't have massive egos. They don't feel entitled to marry a great woman yet still get a hot piece of ass on the side. They have moral fortitude! They fight for the little guy! Geeks unite!

And then I saw this:

High school nerd, 1981

Hmmm...maybe geeks are so used to being beaten down and treated like crap that they get even drunker on the power of their office? Because they spent their young lives being laughed at by attractive women, to suddenly have hot chicks following them on Twitter must be utterly intoxicating. Weiner was sexting a whole bunch of women, a whole bunch of times. This behavior doesn't inherently make him a less-effective legislator; however, isn't being forced to resign as ineffective as it gets for an elected official? If (when?) it happens, it'll be a huge waste of a promising career.

Absolut Crap

While at the liquor store earlier today (replenishing supplies), I saw something Absolut-ly heinous and offensive:

Yes, you are correct: the limited edition Absolut Brooklyn. This offends me on quite a few levels, actually. The first level is the ridiculousness of the vodka's flavor: red apple and ginger. I kinda get the ginger part but my feeling on apple is that, unless you are under the age of ten, you should not be drinking apple-flavored beverages. The very thought of lifting a glass to my lips and getting a strong whiff of red delicious makes me want to barf.

Not that this new flavor combination should surprise me. Gross vodkas have been around for decades, though the first couple Absolut variations--Citron and Kurant--were relatively grown-up, at least. Now however, other wacky flavors are available: Berri Acai (does anyone actually know what acai tastes like?), Wild Tea (are there really people out there who wish their hard liquor tasted more like tea?), and the super-sweet and cloying sounding Absolut Mango.

The second level of offensiveness is, of course, the name.

I have nothing against the regular, old Brooklyn (a sometimes gritty/sometimes lovely place); it's even my second favorite borough. My problem is with the "new" Brooklyn: the one with all the greasy, bearded hipsters, trendy bistros, and just-completed, over-priced condos.

As someone who lived for over a decade in downtown Manhattan back when it was the center of the rock-n-roll universe, I resent Brooklyn for stealing that title from the city I love. Because, despite what it desperately wants to believe, Brooklyn will never be as cool as Manhattan. TRUST ME (because I've been to Brooklyn).

Sure, it's got some cool and funky parts, but they are tiny, hip pockets nestled within a sprawling, usually-dirty, often-dangerous, 99-cent-store borough. Brooklyn as a whole will never have Manhattan's energy. You know how the second you enter the city, its energy zips through you like electricity coursing through your veins? Doesn't happen in Brooklyn.

And the third level of offensiveness is to whom the vodka is marketed. It's certainly not meant to appeal to the bedraggled Brooklyn hipsters (and that's just the chicks), because they can't afford $18 cocktails. And surely Manhattan folks aren't clamoring for hooch named after the borough that stole their precious borough's thunder, right?

Which pretty much leaves Jersey...and/or other areas of the country aspiring to hipster-dom and trendiness.

And I resent any alcoholic beverage that's marketed to Jersey.

Biergarten, Strudel, and Lederhosen: Oktoberfest!

A crazy thing happened last night: my husband and I went to an adult party, with kegs and liquor and music and finger food and everything. It was an Oktoberfest theme, and since grown-up parties are extremely rare around here, we decided to make the most of it by dressing up.

In our Oktoberfest garb

The party was fun but it was much more sedate than ones we'd attended in pre-kids, city-livin' days. That was to be expected--after all, most of the guests were expecting 7 a.m. wake-up calls from their kiddies the following morning. I knew a bunch of people there--moms I see around--so it didn't matter that everyone else was from Priusville (the much cooler town next to ours, where the party was held). This party was also different in that people were friendly enough so that relying on excessive amounts of alcohol as a social lubricant was unnecessary. Besides, we drove and hadn't decided beforehand who would be the designated driver.

Here's another way this get-together was different: Back in my single days, I'd go to a party and get a crush on a guy there. After I became serious with my husband-to-be, I stopped looking at other men that way and instead, sometimes I'd leave a party with a little crush on a woman. (I didn't have romantic feelings, rather I was drawn to these women because they all had qualities I envied. The crushes were more admiration than anything else.) But last night, it dawned on me: now I get crushes on couples.

It's tough to find a couple where both members are equally nice, funny, and cool. Usually, this is what happens: you meet another mom with whom you hit it off, but then then all four of you get together and find out the husband is a total dud. It's a bummer because that friendship can never get to the next level.

Last night I left the party crushing a bit on a couple we met there, Ryan and Maggie. We met Ryan first: he was very impressed with our Oktoberfest garb and told us his wife would be envious when she saw us. Points scored for complimenting us right off the bat! Then we found out that both he and his wife were/still are actors and had recently moved to Westchester from Brooklyn. It's funny because when I lived in Manhattan, Brooklyn people annoyed me with their self-righteousness, but now that our entire town seems to be from the Bronx or Yonkers, Brooklyn sounds like Shangri-La.

We met Maggie later on, and just as her husband promised, she went ape-s#*t for our costumes. Both she and Ryan were very bubbly and engaging so the conversation flowed and there was lots of laughter. They both also happen to be adorable and even have two little girls named Alice and Hazel. I mean, really, Hazel? I could just die with the cuteness of it all.

So here I am, thinking about the fun evening and wondering if I'll ever see Ryan and Maggie again. I really hope so. I'll be looking everywhere for them now: library, playgrounds, grocery store. Hope I don't turn into a stalker. We sure could use friends like them. <Sigh>